Archive for the 'Mizmoe's Rants' Category
Violence against women in Spain
On this very special International Women´s Day, Spanish news included information on the number of women who experienced violent deaths from 2000 to 2009 in Spain. Total – 629, 63 per annum, 72% in the home.
During my time in Spain I have watched many “breaking news” stories showing bodies being taken out of homes, the majority female and more often than not females murdered by their partner, one of the worst was the case of Marta from Seville whose body has not been found since her disappearance over a year ago, appraently murdered by her boyfriend and possibly others.
I could not possibly comment on the reason why there is so much violence, but am saddened that in this supposed period of enlightenment, women are still being treated badly by violent partners. Having experienced a degree of violence myself, I hoped that as time passed violence would decrease, unfortunately quite the opposite seems to have happened. The only advice I can give to the women involved in a violent relationship is “get out now while you have the chance, otherwise it may be too late, the violence … IMHO and experience … only worsens”. There are organisations out there prepared to help you, find them and ask. Tell the people you talk to the truth, in other words do not make excuses and take the blamce upon yourself, no matter how much your partner may infer that it is you that causes him to be violent.
The same applies to the men who have experienced violence in the home.
Violence isn´t just physical, it can also be verbal and many of these violent partners will lie to protect themselves, just in case you seek help from friends and family.
Are women responsible for being raped?
I cannot believe that the majority of women, albeit a small majority, feel that women who are raped are partly responsible for men´s actions.
I remember a neighbour saying of one young woman who had been raped quite brutally by a couple of men “she got what she asked for, dancing like that in front of men and flirting with all and sundry”. She was a young woman in her early teens who was coming to grips with her femininity. No action was taken against the young men.
We are animals that have supposedly evolved yet still many males (a minority I think) cannot control their actions and the problem is that society still expects females to be the moral compass.
In the area where I lived, many men said there was a point of “no return” and they couldn´t stop after that point, so if a woman said no they felt justified in going ahead and agreed this act could not be classed as rape. Even at that time I argued that men who felt this way had absolutely no self control. They also said girls said no when really they meant yes.
A programme on Spanish television included a comment which in my opinion was quite apt, i.e. “God gave males a brain and a penis but not enough blood to control both”.
My mother in law, when discussing a reported rape case said “when a man ´rises to the occasion´his penis takes control”. Being an innocent (and I must now add, just a bit stupid) I asked what she meant and she explicitly said “when a male is aroused and ready to mate he is incapable of controlling himself, i.e. his penis takes over and he is not capable of any rational thought until the act is concluded”.
I always felt my mother in law was a feminist and quite radical in her beliefs.
She also argued that “all men were capable of rape”.
Nearly forty years on I cannot believe that the majority of women have the mistaken belief that females are partly to blame when a man using his superior strength and body weight subdue a woman in order to have sexual intercourse. The act should always be consensual.
My experiences on Sexism and Bullying
Isn´t it strange that after nearly forty years I find myself thinking back to the break up with my “partner” of nearly six years due to his abuse, mental, physical and general cruelty. He was rude to my friends; felt that my family and I were inferior and that I was “thick” and “uneducated”.
He came out of Queen Elizabeth Grammar School in Wakefield having qualified for a special class for people of high intellect with one O level in Maths. Full of knowledge he had absolutely no common sense, was lazy and dirty, selfish in many ways and actually felt that in marriage he could continue paying “board” . At that time (in the late 1960’s) he earned over eighty pounds a week after tax. He paid five pounds “board” when he could spare it. He did not help in the home at all, if I didn´t wash his clothes, he wore them until they “stank”. Normal relations with him were difficult as he bathed about once a month whether he needed it or not. He pushed me through a plate glass door in one of his violent episodes and actually picked me up with his hands around my neck and banged the back of my neck against the wooden arm of the settee, the latter within weeks of our marriage.
Towards the end I very rarely saw him as he “worked” until about midnight despite the fact that racing finished mid afternoon or early evening, I found I loved not having to endure his company. When I eventually “got the message” and was warned about the company he kept and his gambling habbit, I looked for a partner who actually cared for me, my mother called me a whore and my husband actually said he “loved me” when I left him. This type of man has a strange idea of love. My parents eventually caused so many problems in my new relationship that it ended leaving me saddened and with the feeling I could not cope with any relationship.
During our marriage my husband convinced me that no one, not even my family liked me. He said most people just tolerated my presence. I now know this is the actions normally taken by this kind of man.
When I married I was so innocent having been raised without any knowledge of sex or men. I feel this should be labelled “ignorance”. My friends were raised in the same manner so talking about this subject taught us nothing, other than the basics i.e. periods we knew absolutely nothing. They believed a girl should be “educated” by her husband after marriage. Oh, and according to the church women did not experience pleasure during sex and the act of love was their gift to their husband for marrying them. My husband said women were not physically capable of experiencing pleasure during sex. Was this perhaps to cover up inadequacies?
I was raised to believe that girls who flirted were “sluts”, that you should have few boyfriends and basically marry the first man who asked. My father took pride in the fact he kept boys away from me, to the extent I believed men thought me unattractive.
My mother was horrified when I purchased a graphic book on sex education for my daughter. It taught me such a lot, she read a little and felt it was disgusting and that my child should not be given this book as it would “frighten” her. I told her quite bluntly that my daughter was not going to be raised totally ignorant of sex, their own bodies, men´s bodies, STD´s, the sex act and child bearing. She sulked with me for several days and made veiled comments about my reasoning. That was the first time I told Mum to “stop interfering in my child´s upbringing”.
One friend had quite a few boyfriends and my mother often made veiled comments about her lack of morals, “just like her mother” was one. Her mother gave birth to my friend before marriage and in the area I was raised, this was the ultimate sin. My friend eventually left the village and has never returned. Of course only women could “sin”.
If a woman dared to have opinions other than those held by her father, then husband, she was shouted down and bullied. My husband threatened to lock me in the house when the first general election was held after our marriage and felt he had a right to do this as I was “his wife” and ultimately “his possession”.
I stopped voicing opinions when “the men” were talking about religion, politics and other serious “men only” subjects and for many years I had difficulty in joining conversations, I still experience discomfort when I do make a comment on a subject under discussion. Men often said in a condescending manner “the little woman doesn´t understand” smiling “fondly” at their wife.
Is it so surprising that I am such a feminist?
And why do so many people say “she is carrying his child” when the child is a product of them both. Anyone else think this is to make their contribution seem more important than just providing a little “fish”.
Sex, sexism & intolerance
I deleted a controversial post a couple of days ago because I was afraid people would take exception to the content. Violence, intolerance – both racial and gender, prostitution, paedophilia, terrorism and so on.
Here on the Costas in Spain two gangs of Rumanians have been arrested for running prostitutes, some of them underage and many not doing this type of job of their free own will. I understand that money; jewellery and documents were recovered, so these men were also guilty of burglary and muggings. Then there is the violence against women in the form of rape, beatings and murder by male partners in addition to children being abducted by paedophiles.
The lack of self control seems to be a grave problem here in Spain (and probably worldwide), both sexually and emotionally, resulting in violent episodes – could this be because men no longer have total control of the women in their lives?
Racial intolerance in society as whole, a young woman was attacked both verbally and physically on a train and suffered severe trauma, why? Because she was a Columbian. A young woman was attacked in a town centre, why? Because she was Chinese. I was called a Puta, a whore to us Brits, why? Because I was English. And I am in my sixties, have never worked as a prostitute and feel I am a little old to make a living in this line of work.
One hates to be classed as sexist, but why is it that the world, which in general is ruled by men, is in such a state? In an area other than government, the Catholic Church, old men are in positions of authority and are either unable or unwilling to move with the times. Radical Muslims set off suicide bombs in other countries and kill many innocent people. Back to government again, war mongers among world leaders invade other countries because they feel there are weapons of mass destruction or drug running. I admit to being a sceptic when watching TV, and always ask myself “do I really believe world leaders giving speeches about the world problems”? Though I am no expert, having studied body language at open university during my first course, it can be seen that the truth is sometimes stretched somewhat and then there is lying with statistics, you can prove anything, or so I was taught.
Does religion have a place in modern society, well the “alphacourse” survey says that people believing in God are in the minority, i.e. 95% no, 1% probably and 4% yes! So perhaps society has already answered that question.
Should women have control over their own bodies? Or … should men, society, religion and government make their decisions for them, i.e. a woman raped becomes pregnant, should society tell her to go to full term and not be allowed an abortion?
Is it time for women to be more assertive in the home, work and government? I hope our survey says yes.
During my life I have come across a lot of prejudice (male against female). I worked in a male dominated industry, had I been a man I would have been the chief administrator, as a woman and despite being better qualified than the man, I was the assistant. My boss suggested had I been a man they would have jumped at the chance to promote me, I was the best person for the job but no man would work under me! At 25 years of age my father said to me, during a discussion on politics with my husband, “what would you know you´re only a girl”.
And then we look at the bible, it states that woman was made from a rib of Adam to be his companion. I should add “and do his bidding”.
All this type of comment designed to put us in our places ladies. I for one think it is time to move the world forward into a new age.
Am I a feminist, “I should say so”, but I wasn´t always, the men in my life have made me so.
IMHO all of us should be allowed to make up our own minds on the course our lives will take, if you are a Christian or Muslim or belong to another religion, that is your choice. To be an atheist is mine. Please respect my choice as much as I try to respect yours even though I do not see any logic in religian and think them out of touch with modern society.
Have we evolved, I think not.
TV in Spain
I don´t understand how the Spanish TV companies come to the conclusion that it is okay to screen a vampire series at 3 pm, then put one of the Harry Potter movies on very late at night. Obviously they do not have the Spanish equivalent of the “watershed”.
If young children watch Spanish TV and you like to make sure the programmes are appropriate for their age group, ie watch Harry Potter rather than a violent FBI TV series or a movie with rape scenes and dead bodies, then be careful.
The new digital network allows programmes from abroad to be screened in the original language, mostly it works, as this is Spain, sometimes it doesn´t.
I had insomnia and switched on the TV early one morning, as usual surfing between channels and came across a movie that looked interesting, didn´t understand the story line but decided to watch it anyone. Scene – a young couple having an argument, quite normal, then they move into his office, she strips all his clothes off and the next scene, as decribed to my daughter, was very realistic oral sex. Didn´t realise until she questionned which channel I had been on that it was a porn movie.
Call to TV Makers!
One of my favourite actors, Tim Roth is now starring in a series entitled “Mienteme”, I have watched the first four shows and find it riveting, a programme to rival “Perdidos”. It is about a company who are employed to ascertain when people are lying, Tim Roth is fantastic, as always.
I do not enjoy most TV series, mainly because of the shouting, violence and swearing, which for me is now becoming boring. Then there is the fight scenes which so false I often find myself laughing and then turning the tele off to do something more riveting like wash my hair.
The fight scenes are unbelievable. And all this from American TV, but one German TV programme is fast rivalling them for their ludicrous scenes.
I did not think I would ever become part of the “let’s make movies that are life like” brigade.
If the movie is portraying a character who has “super human” abilities, then these scenes are okay. But ordinary cops chasing down criminals, come on guys, give the movie going public and TV audiences a break and lets have something different, more real. If Britain can do it, so can the USA.
How about a “real” looking fight scene. Not all of your audience are people who enjoy movies with characters who can be beaten to a “pulp” and then get up and beat their rival.
Some of us still want actors who actually act and don’t just play themselves. Men who don’t just show off their six pack and think that’s all they need to do. Women who don’t just pose showing off their surgically enhanced boobs, chin implants, super white teeth, hair extensions plus half of Boot’s make up countery slapped on their face, but without a shred of talent. What difference if the actor is just a bit ugly, some of the sexiest actors around are not toned and beautiful, short … big nose … receding hairline … irregular facial features, whose “lunch box” isn’t the first thing you notice when he walks on stage in his too tight pants looking a little “pained”.
Please please please … give us something different!
Am I straight laced? Maybe so
Over the past few weeks there has been a lot of attention on TV re the problem of prostitution here in Spain. Young women being arrested by the Civil Guard, over 80 in one area of a large town. Women advertising in the local press and boasting of a 24 hour services. One English couple I knew started an “adult holiday” service for men and brought in women from South America, Russia and Eastern Europe. The number of murders where young women are the victims grows and paedophilia seems to be on the increase with very young children going missing, most never found, or being “groomed” on the Internet. I don’t know how other people my age and older feel, but from being of the opinion that I was fairly broad minded, I now believe I may be rather straight laced, old saying that one. I have always thought that prostitutes provided a valuable service and during my time managing public houses, I met many who were fantastic woman who could find no other way to make a living. The skills they utilised being the only ones they had, their feelings, not mine. My partner at the time said they were in it for the easy cash. I thought him an ignorant stupid man, very intelligent, but sexist.
Respecting Privacy
I have never understood how people could become involved in a TV show or with an individual character, until now as I find my fascination with Perdidos a little overwhelming at times. It brings to mind a close friend who talked constantly about “Eastenders” and “Dirty Den” and refused any invitations for “outings” on the nights this show aired. While I do admire actors for their skill, I do not look up to them but I do see how easy it would be to do so. Neither do I criticise those people who do have an innocent crush on a famous person or fancy themselves in love with a character, we all have our dreams!
One another subject, away from Lost, is the constant media intrusion into the private lives of actors, perhaps it is “part and parcel” of an actor’s life, but doesn’t it seem sad when this same media attention makes talented people take their own lives and turn to drugs and alcohol so that they can get through the day. Question, isn’t it time entertainers had private lives too, and shouldn’t children of famous parents be protected, not only from “fans” but from parents who would think of using them as a “publicity tool” to promote their own fame. The aah factor!
The ultimate chocolate cake recipe
Like many chocolate addicts I have been looking for the chocolate cake recipe that turns out a cake which is moist, rich and totally fulfilling. I thought I had found it after years of searching through cookery books, on the web and doing a little work myself on my various cake recipes.
Reading the introduction to this “best in the world” “wonderfully moist cake” I became really excited … and then quickly came down to earth with a Big Bang (one of my favourite TV shows by the way). It started with “take a half packet of chocolate cake mix”, that´s me gone.
I do appreciate when I don´t have the time to make a cake that some cake mixes are OK, but they are not the best cakes in the world. I am told that for them to be moist and keep longer they use Tapioca Flour as it absorbs more moisture.
The most disappointing cakes I have eaten have been in restaurants where they boast of a master chef whose speciality is baking … bland, sometimes sad, tasting of anything but the ingredients that are supposed to be in there, really just boring and horrible. The best cakes I have had were made by my Father in Law who was a “master baker” and a friend at the Coal Board who made the most beautiful light and tasty cakes, she was neither chef nor master baker, just a home cook like myself, and last but not least, my daughter.
For me … IMHO … cake making and baking in general is part of getting all the ingredients together, mixing, baking, adding icing/frosting/ganache topping if you must, and eating said cake. All steps give me lots of pleasure, just seeing something you have worked on take shape. I just love baking, though I cannot do it at the moment as here in Spain many houses do not have ovens. I like a simple cake without adornment with a quenelle of cream, rich thick creamy cream not single or whipping cream. I eat so little of it that the occasional treat can include Cornish or Devon Clotted Cream, but I digress …
The search for my untimate chocolate cake continues …
Chocolate cake
I have been looking online for chocolate BUN recipe, not muffins, not cup cakes, just a plain English, Scottish, Welsh or even Irish BUN recipe. And what does the web come up with. Simple loads of cup cakes or muffins covered with sugary frosting. We Brits call bun or cake coverings icing, we do not harp on about Welsh descent, even if we are do come from a long line of traditional Welshies, recently crossed with English of course. I love you Americans, but do not patronise us Brits and claim that you were the first who wrote down a recipe, even though it has been made in the UK for hundreds of years. Moan over. No offence intended, hope none is taken.
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