Isn´t it strange that after nearly forty years I find myself thinking back to the break up with my “partner” of nearly six years due to his abuse, mental, physical and general cruelty. He was rude to my friends; felt that my family and I were inferior and that I was “thick” and “uneducated”.
He came out of Queen Elizabeth Grammar School in Wakefield having qualified for a special class for people of high intellect with one O level in Maths. Full of knowledge he had absolutely no common sense, was lazy and dirty, selfish in many ways and actually felt that in marriage he could continue paying “board” . At that time (in the late 1960’s) he earned over eighty pounds a week after tax. He paid five pounds “board” when he could spare it. He did not help in the home at all, if I didn´t wash his clothes, he wore them until they “stank”. Normal relations with him were difficult as he bathed about once a month whether he needed it or not. He pushed me through a plate glass door in one of his violent episodes and actually picked me up with his hands around my neck and banged the back of my neck against the wooden arm of the settee, the latter within weeks of our marriage.
Towards the end I very rarely saw him as he “worked” until about midnight despite the fact that racing finished mid afternoon or early evening, I found I loved not having to endure his company. When I eventually “got the message” and was warned about the company he kept and his gambling habbit, I looked for a partner who actually cared for me, my mother called me a whore and my husband actually said he “loved me” when I left him. This type of man has a strange idea of love. My parents eventually caused so many problems in my new relationship that it ended leaving me saddened and with the feeling I could not cope with any relationship.
During our marriage my husband convinced me that no one, not even my family liked me. He said most people just tolerated my presence. I now know this is the actions normally taken by this kind of man.
When I married I was so innocent having been raised without any knowledge of sex or men. I feel this should be labelled “ignorance”. My friends were raised in the same manner so talking about this subject taught us nothing, other than the basics i.e. periods we knew absolutely nothing. They believed a girl should be “educated” by her husband after marriage. Oh, and according to the church women did not experience pleasure during sex and the act of love was their gift to their husband for marrying them. My husband said women were not physically capable of experiencing pleasure during sex. Was this perhaps to cover up inadequacies?
I was raised to believe that girls who flirted were “sluts”, that you should have few boyfriends and basically marry the first man who asked. My father took pride in the fact he kept boys away from me, to the extent I believed men thought me unattractive.
My mother was horrified when I purchased a graphic book on sex education for my daughter. It taught me such a lot, she read a little and felt it was disgusting and that my child should not be given this book as it would “frighten” her. I told her quite bluntly that my daughter was not going to be raised totally ignorant of sex, their own bodies, men´s bodies, STD´s, the sex act and child bearing. She sulked with me for several days and made veiled comments about my reasoning. That was the first time I told Mum to “stop interfering in my child´s upbringing”.
One friend had quite a few boyfriends and my mother often made veiled comments about her lack of morals, “just like her mother” was one. Her mother gave birth to my friend before marriage and in the area I was raised, this was the ultimate sin. My friend eventually left the village and has never returned. Of course only women could “sin”.
If a woman dared to have opinions other than those held by her father, then husband, she was shouted down and bullied. My husband threatened to lock me in the house when the first general election was held after our marriage and felt he had a right to do this as I was “his wife” and ultimately “his possession”.
I stopped voicing opinions when “the men” were talking about religion, politics and other serious “men only” subjects and for many years I had difficulty in joining conversations, I still experience discomfort when I do make a comment on a subject under discussion. Men often said in a condescending manner “the little woman doesn´t understand” smiling “fondly” at their wife.
Is it so surprising that I am such a feminist?
And why do so many people say “she is carrying his child” when the child is a product of them both. Anyone else think this is to make their contribution seem more important than just providing a little “fish”.
Well we have moved again to another quite lovely flat in Torrevieja. It has two double bedrooms, one bathroom, one living area containing dining, sitting and kitchen. Disabled access to the building, a locked community and security access for visitors through to each flat, a nice size television and is very comfy. The area isn´t as nice as I would have liked but we have wonderful access to various good supermarkets, bars and restaurants and only a few minutes taxi ride to the cinema and a short walk to the sea. We have a pool with excellent disabed access and I have to say that other than the bath which I found it very difficult to exit from, everthing is good. We will most likely be staying here until our move back to the UK, if we do actually move permanently back there, we shall see how things transpire. Having decided to return, my daughter now has a Spanish client who wants her to work with them as a consultant and take on any designs in her area of expertise. Three years in Spain, decide to go home due to problems getting work, and now it happens!
This is a really old recipe that I found in the family recipe box. I seem to remember eating potted beef spread on freshly baked crusty bread … as a child. I loved it then, but since coming to Spain have been unable to find anything like it.
1 lb piece of lean beef
2 oz clarified butter – melted
1 pint of cold water
Cayenne, freshly ground nutmeg, salt and freshly ground black pepper – to taste
Place the beef into a saucepan and add sufficient water to come half way up the side of the pan, place over a low heat and cook for about 4 hours, topping up occasionally with boiling water if necessary
Cut the meat into small dice and pound thoroughly in a pestle and mortar (or blitz in a food processor – don’t make it into a paste)
Meanwhile, reduce the juices to about 2 tablespoons
Mix the meat with a little of the juices produced plus clarified butter or ghee
Add seasoning to taste, transfer into small pots, cover with melted butter and seal, store in the refrigerator
I would not keep this potted beef for too long, just a day or so, though I seem to remember some people kept it for a week or more. My advice, don´t try to do this, make it and eat it when cold.
Last season started this week, first two episodes. I am so confused … are they back in the USA? or … are they still on the island? or … are there two of each character and they are in both places at once? What do you think to the new “eye candy” currently leading a team of “the others”. Tries to save one of the survivors but pronounced him dead. I was so glad when he finally sat up and looked quite alive. But is it Sayid … or is it another bad black cloud or whatever who had taken over Sayid´s body? So Jacob is finally dead, but what or who is Jacob, and what or who is the black cloud monster who killed Eko? And has “Loche” (aka black cloud) killed one of the best looking men on the island … and so intense … Richard Alpert of course, and why does he not age like the rest of us?
Yes, they did. Well … several of them “made love” in front of the camera, even though they were under a duvet or in the bathroom where cameras are not available to film, but all made sure that the audience knew full well what they had been up to.
So the question for today is … “would you go into Big Brother and have sexual intercourse with a relative stranger in front of the camera” and more importantly “would you forget about safe sex”. One male had a couple … or more … whilst in the house. Have to say he was the most interesting housemate in the Spanish Big Brother House this year and one of the best looking guys, not much competition though. He certainly was not shy! Even had the presenter blushing.
One of my favourite programs and it is on tonight. My questions seem to have changed over the past couple of weeks since the crash of the flight with Oceanic 6 onboard.
Does anyone else think that Loche is not himself? His character seems to have changed and somehow I don´t think he is the Loche we know and love.
Faraday has returned to the island on the submarine apparently to deal with the bomb. Rumour has it that one of my favourite characters is to be killed off when the bomb explodes. But as with all deaths on the island, will she be dead? Though Ben did say that even on the island, when you´re dead, well … you´re dead.
I just cannot believe that Loche … yes back to him … would be chosen as leader of the others, just not right, unbelievable.
Who is the bad guy, most people I talk to think Ben. I think it is Charles Widmore. Ben stole a baby and let that strange French woman go, Charles wanted Ben to kill the baby and the mother.
Who will survive? I think some of the Oceanic 6 will die in the war that is to come. My favourite for being killed off is Jack, though if Loche wasn´t already dead (and I am absolutely sure that Loche isn´t Loche), he would follow closely. Who do I hope will survive, well it has to be “eye candy man” Sawyer, and Miles – love the lines, Ben of course – my favourite character. Sayid … what happened to him when he ran off after trying to kill Young Ben?
Who will win the war? Ben? I hope so.
A traditional stew which can be made with or without the addition of pork, easy to change to a tasty vegetarian casserole
2 x 14 oz tins chickpeas, drained and rinsed (or the equivalent dried, follow inst on pack)
2 pieces of pork shoulder (optional)
1 carrot, peeled and sliced on the diagonal
4 pints of chicken or vegetable stock
1 lb butternut squash, peeled, deseeded and cut into 1 inch chunks
10 oz French green beans, trimmed and cut into 1 inch long pieces
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
3 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, crushed and chopped
1 handful of blanched skinned sweet almonds
1 Spanish onion, chopped
1 tsp pimienton (or to taste)
2 ripe plums tomatoes, skinned and finely chopped
1 pinch saffron threads, crushed and added to 3 tbsp hot water
3 tsp red wine vinegar
Garnish – 2 tbsp fresh mint leaves, rolled and thinly sliced
Put the chickpeas, whole pieces of pork and sliced carrots into a deep cassrole or pan, add sufficient stock to come three quarters way up the casserole then place over a medium beat, bring up to the boil, add the butternut squash, French green beans, season and gently bring up to simmering point, cook for 15 minutes
Add the olive oil to a frying pan (with a nob of butter for extra taste) set over a medium heat, add the garlic and almonds, cook for about 2 minutes, keep moving all the time, remove from the heat and transfer to a bowl lined with kitchen paper to remove as much oil as possible
Add the onion to the frying pan and cook until softened but not browned, about 3 to 4 minutes. Add the pimienton, stir then add the tomatoes and 2 tablespoons of the stock from the casserole, continue cooking until the tomatoes soften, reduce and deepen in colour, this should take about 5 to 6 minutes, while stirring add the casserole then stir in the saffron
Cook over a gentle heat until the vegetables are tender, the butternut squash should have begun to disintegrate, add more stock should the soup become too thick. When ready remove the meat from the soup, cut up into pieces and serve separately
Put the almonds and garlic in a food processor and blitz until finely ground, gradually add the red wine vinegar while stirring, add to the soup, simmer for 5 minutes and transfer to a serving dish. sprinkle with the finely shredded mint leaves. Serve with fresh crusty bread
A little light relief!
While watching a programme following Spain´s Big Brother, the panel laughingly presented a scene in the “pool” where two of the celebrities were having a little fun, at the end of which the man pushed off from the side and revealed that he was aroused!
A second scene was shown later on and from the movement the panel laughingly assumed that the two people actually had sexual intercourse in front of the cameras. It was thumbs up from the two contestants along with big smiles, which really admits that they were quite happy with the outcome … or just acting to keep them in the show.
So … did they or didn´t they? You decide!
I deleted a controversial post a couple of days ago because I was afraid people would take exception to the content. Violence, intolerance – both racial and gender, prostitution, paedophilia, terrorism and so on.
Here on the Costas in Spain two gangs of Rumanians have been arrested for running prostitutes, some of them underage and many not doing this type of job of their free own will. I understand that money; jewellery and documents were recovered, so these men were also guilty of burglary and muggings. Then there is the violence against women in the form of rape, beatings and murder by male partners in addition to children being abducted by paedophiles.
The lack of self control seems to be a grave problem here in Spain (and probably worldwide), both sexually and emotionally, resulting in violent episodes – could this be because men no longer have total control of the women in their lives?
Racial intolerance in society as whole, a young woman was attacked both verbally and physically on a train and suffered severe trauma, why? Because she was a Columbian. A young woman was attacked in a town centre, why? Because she was Chinese. I was called a Puta, a whore to us Brits, why? Because I was English. And I am in my sixties, have never worked as a prostitute and feel I am a little old to make a living in this line of work.
One hates to be classed as sexist, but why is it that the world, which in general is ruled by men, is in such a state? In an area other than government, the Catholic Church, old men are in positions of authority and are either unable or unwilling to move with the times. Radical Muslims set off suicide bombs in other countries and kill many innocent people. Back to government again, war mongers among world leaders invade other countries because they feel there are weapons of mass destruction or drug running. I admit to being a sceptic when watching TV, and always ask myself “do I really believe world leaders giving speeches about the world problems”? Though I am no expert, having studied body language at open university during my first course, it can be seen that the truth is sometimes stretched somewhat and then there is lying with statistics, you can prove anything, or so I was taught.
Does religion have a place in modern society, well the “alphacourse” survey says that people believing in God are in the minority, i.e. 95% no, 1% probably and 4% yes! So perhaps society has already answered that question.
Should women have control over their own bodies? Or … should men, society, religion and government make their decisions for them, i.e. a woman raped becomes pregnant, should society tell her to go to full term and not be allowed an abortion?
Is it time for women to be more assertive in the home, work and government? I hope our survey says yes.
During my life I have come across a lot of prejudice (male against female). I worked in a male dominated industry, had I been a man I would have been the chief administrator, as a woman and despite being better qualified than the man, I was the assistant. My boss suggested had I been a man they would have jumped at the chance to promote me, I was the best person for the job but no man would work under me! At 25 years of age my father said to me, during a discussion on politics with my husband, “what would you know you´re only a girl”.
And then we look at the bible, it states that woman was made from a rib of Adam to be his companion. I should add “and do his bidding”.
All this type of comment designed to put us in our places ladies. I for one think it is time to move the world forward into a new age.
Am I a feminist, “I should say so”, but I wasn´t always, the men in my life have made me so.
IMHO all of us should be allowed to make up our own minds on the course our lives will take, if you are a Christian or Muslim or belong to another religion, that is your choice. To be an atheist is mine. Please respect my choice as much as I try to respect yours even though I do not see any logic in religian and think them out of touch with modern society.
Have we evolved, I think not.
This is a version of roast suckling lamb, a dish eaten at Christmas in some areas. I admit to being a little disappointed in the original recipe so haven´t bothered doing anything with it and made up my own. For those of us in small families perhaps a joint of lamb would be more appropriate. The original recipe, with this quantity of lamb, was for 6 people!
Half a Suckling Lamb
2 garlic cloves
6 tbsp Olive oil or melted lard
Sea salt, to taste
Rinse the lamb and pat dry, trim off any excess fat and discard
Put the garlic cloves, salt and olive oil in a mortar and pound until a smooth paste is formed
Place lamb in a roasting tin or oven proof dish
Rub the lamb with the paste * see below
Place in the lower half of a preheated oven
Baste every 30 minutes until the lamb is golden brown on the outside and tender
Allow 25 minutes to the pound and 25 minutes over
Check the lamb is done by using a skewer to prick the thickest part of the roast
Serve with roast potatoes and seasonal vegetables along with a light gravy made from the juices, 1 cup of red wine and 2 cups of chicken stock, to thicken use flour and butter mixed to a paste
*Alternatively put small cuts over the skin and place a sliver of garlic and a piece of rosemay in each, drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt, place sliced onion underneath the lamb
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