Priorities
I mentioned the obvious things, like I don’t get paid if I don’t work. Money problems. Then talked about making a will – should have done this before. Then… does any of this really matter, the cash situation etc., there are more important things going on here.
Discovery
Today I found a lump just above my left breast. Immediate thoughts, so this doesn’t happen to me!. But yes, it was there and the doctor confirmed that I needed to go to have a Mammogram. It was amazing the thoughts ranging from “this can’t be true” to “all my hopes of going to Spain – looks like I left it too long”. Then reality set in and I realised that this “may” be serious, that I “may” have a malignant tumour. This was around noon, by 3.30pm I was in the doctor’s surgery being checked over; she confirmed that yes it was a lump and she would fax a referral letter to the hospital. If I wasn’t concerned before, I quickly became very concerned.
Eliza and I discussed the options, ie cyst, tumour etc and how on earth to tell Mum. Eventually I did what I always do and tried put it out of my mind, but it wouldn’t go away. Around 8pm I became depressed, then followed the tears (not too many). I had difficulty sleeping and was glad of Eliza’s company – trying to keep me positive. That is difficult. It’s not new – I have had cancer cells before – positive smear! Operation, in hospital 5 days, going to smear tests every few months for what seemed liked years. Then given the glorious all clear. It didn’t dawn on me then that this could be life threatening, perhaps it’s an age thing and you become more aware when you get older that you are mortal.
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